Nature Quickie: Getting Knotty

with kink enthusiast & naturalist Rey Arrastia

Brought to you by Après Delight

Sex Outside Nature Quickies are short, 5-minute dives into a specific, practical topic about our bodies and the outdoors. This one features kink enthusiast and naturalist Rey Arrastia, who helps answer some questions about bondage for folks who are curious to try it and dispels some common assumptions that athletes and recreationalists might have when it comes to applying outdoor knot tying skills to bondage practice. Spoiler: you’ll need to learn some different knots… oh, and skip the paracord.

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Hosted by Laura Borichevsky.
Cover artwork by Hailey Hirst.
Music by Calica licensed via MusicBed.

TRANSCRIPT

Note: This transcript was lightly edited and created using a transcription service. As such it may contain spelling errors.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

You’re listening to a Sex Outside Nature Quickie-- a short 5-minute dive into a specific, practical topic about our bodies and the outdoors. I’m Laura Borichevsky.

Rey Arrastia:

… the paracord... that's all I can think about is don't use paracord. Don't. Use. Paracord. Always do your research, because you're tying a human being, and they matter.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

That’s  kink enthusiast and self-described naturalist Rey Arrastia, and she’s here today to talk about knots-- specifically, in the context of bondage. And while there is a *lot* to potentially say about bondage and the big, wide world of kink-- which we will continue to explore with Rey and others both in and outside of the podcast, bondage and knot tying seemed like the first, best place to start. Because knot tying in itself, for outdoor-loving folks, might feel like a fun, familiar place to start exploring-- possibly because knot tying might seem like the skill and “gear” you have most available to you, and thus it might seem easy and fun. But before you go thinking that you’re already a bondage expert because you know how to do a double half hitch-- there are things to know about bondage from a safety perspective, and just because you might know your way around ropes as a climber, sailer, boater, or someone who loves survival skills-- it doesn’t mean they translate directly to getting kinky.

Rey is an avid learner-- both about herself and the greater sexual world-- which this year has meant a dedicated self-study into various aspects of kink and pleasure. She started things off with a form of knot tying used often in bondage called shibari (which you will also hear referred to as kinbaku in this episode, though there are subtle and important differences between the two). Shibari has origins from Japanese culture dating back to the Edo period, which lasted roughly between the 17th and 19th centuries, where samurai would use a series of intricate ties on prisoners. There is a *lot* to potentially dive into just with this one facet of bondage history, but it would far outlast this Quickie which is why we’ve compiled a *bunch* of resources in our show notes from other experts and historians in the field that you can check out on your own time-- though it might take a while. 

Because as Rey explains--

Rey Arrastia:

Bondage is a lifelong task. I started the year with shibari in January and I realized I'm going to have their practice list forever. Shibari is a skill. It's a technique, it's a science. And so I love shibari and the act of tying more than anything. I love being bonded, but tying is so meditative and so gratifying. So I got into it based on the same reason I get into everything: self discovery.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

For anyone who has spent time learning how to tie specific outdoors knots, Rey’s sentiment might resonate a bit. Learning skills like knot tying and rope management-- whether it’s climbing, boating, sailing, or something else entirely-- can be really rewarding, and useful! So it stands to reason, potentially, that if you know some of these knots from your time spent recreating, that they might be able to apply in a bondage situation, right? 

Rey Arrastia:

That's a huge no-- you cannot. There are so many-- and you can use those ties for kinbaku. So there are two different words that are primarily used I have found thus far being shibari and kinbaku. And kinbaku is the art of tightly binding an object or tightly bonding something with a rope where shibari is the art of rope on a human, and a human applies different rules than like a rock or a tree. We have arteries. We have blood vessels. We have to be able to breathe. So there are specific knots that are going to lie in a specific way. They might still be practical. There's a different way to tie it so that it's not harming the physical body in a vital way, in a very negative way. Like sometimes in bondage, we're looking for a little bit of pain, but that pain is sometimes just like the tension or the physical stress or the mental stress-- not lying on like a main artery or something. We don't want to cause permanent damage to people.

So when it comes to like rock climbing knots and anything like that, you're not going to use those knots in shibari, but you will use techniques in shibari where, I mean, I'm not a rock climber, but I know how to crochet and knit. And if anyone does that, the loop chain, the chain stitch, we use it all the time. I think in shibari they call it the daisy chain. So you'll see similarities, but never assume that because you do one thing, you'll be a master of another. Always do your research because you're tying a human being, and they matter. Tie yourself first to see what happens.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

Okay, so point made. If you know the ins and outs, so to speak, of knot tying in another context-- you might have an easier time learning shibari or kinbaku knots. But, then again, given the complexity of these knots and the safety considerations required within this practice as a whole-- you also might not. Fortunately, there are ample resources available online for you to give it a try, and like Rey said-- whenever possible, try self-tying first before practicing on someone else.

Something else that seemed important to ask was about rope-- specifically, if outdoor ropes you might already have on hand, like paracord for instance, can be used safely for bondage.

Rey Arrastia:

Oh my god, the paracord... that's all I can think about is don't use paracord. Don't. Use. Paracord. Any other thing is perfectly fine, in my opinion, it just depends on if you're suspending. I do not do any suspension because I'm relatively new to this. Suspension requires a specific jute rope that was treated in a specific way. But if you were just doing some self tying where it's just for aesthetic and maybe your own personal you-time, then you can use most ropes-- again, not paracord though. I use a 10 millimeter cotton rope because I liked the softness of the cotton a lot. I like that when I tie, I can see my knots very clearly. They're chunkier ropes. It's like “baby's first bondage” rope. It feels very easy to use. And I do a lot of aesthetic tying-- just to know that I can do a complicated knot makes me feel fulfilled. So to see the knot with the cotton is really nice.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

Rey mentioned something incredibly important during her explanation of ropes, and it’s how important it is to take it slow and not get in over your head right away when it comes to tying up yourself or others. While you may see beautiful photos online suspending bondage partners-- like any sport or outdoor activity you might want to try-- remember that it’s something that, if you’re interested in, that you will need to work your way up to. Keep things simple to start.

And to Rey’s point about her favorite rope, we’ve also read that having at least 2 different lengths is helpful, so keep that in mind. Additionally, while online stores might sell the rope you’re looking for-- so might a hardware store, and at a much lower price. For new ropes, like any outdoor activity, it’s also worth noting that the more they’re used for tying, the more broken in they’ll be, which makes them easier to use.

So, we’ve clarified that, no-- your outdoor skills generally speaking are not going to cut it when it comes to learning and practicing bondage. And if you’re interested in getting started, you’re probably going to need to get some new gear when it comes to ropes.

And speaking of being interested in getting started-- what about those listening who are maybe looking to get tied by someone else? Rey has some thoughts on that, too.

Rey Arrastia:

If you're somebody that wants to get tied, I would start by not becoming tied yet, but start stretching. You want to go to the gym and you want to start becoming flexible so that when you start to become tired, you can handle any tension that might go in an uncomfortable spot, like on your abdomen area, you can flex to alleviate any pressure. So being able to flex helps, being flexible helps. If you have shoulder injuries like being mindful and your partner needs to know your body. I have a shoulder injury, for instance. I can't have my arm tied behind my back. If you have something like that, like a skeletal injury, your partner needs to know about it, a circulation issue, your partner needs to know beforehand-- all the time. And just having that clear communication. 

If you tie yourself, though, you can learn what you can and cannot handle because also you might think you can just get tied up, but once you get halfway tied, you might get nervous. You might get tingles. And if that's happening, you need to be able to communicate that to your partner. And if not yourself, I've found that if you're having somebody else tie you, it's harder to recognize sooner that you're having that physical response. You can mistake it for a subspace or a euphoric trance, but what it is, is your body going through an anxiety attack-- your body's tingling. It's not getting the blood that it needs to move appropriately and you need to be untied. So tying yourself is a great way to start to recognize how much you really can handle. I mean, I was tying myself yesterday and I realized I needed to stop because I needed more water. I think drink a lot of water too-- but testing your body independently is important. A lot of us think that we're stronger than we actually are, and that's half the reason why we start to get into this kink world. And we really want to challenge ourselves and grow. And that's a really commendable thing to do to dive into your own psyche and challenge yourself, but always do it mindfully.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

Thanks for tuning in to this Sex Outside Nature Quickie, and for Rey Arrastia for joining us for this episode. For more information to continue your research, click through our show notes and check out our other resources. You can find more from Beckie on Instagram @selkie_smooth, and on TikTok @selkiesmoother, and follow along with us @sexoutsidepod for more action between episodes. Music is by Calica. I’m Laura Borichevsky. Thanks so much for joining us. Until next time!

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