Nature Quickie: The Roots of Fulfilling Sex? Exploration and Communication.

with writer and outdoor traveler Natasha Buffo

Sex Outside Nature Quickies are short, 5-minute dives into a specific, practical topic about our bodies and the outdoors. This one features writer, traveler, and outdoor enthusiast Natasha Buffo who brings her background in human sexuality to the conversation to share why getting to know your body and practicing how to talk about it is essential to more fulfilling sexual experiences.

Photo of Natasha by Daniel Deemer.

Photo of Natasha by Daniel Deemer.


Sex Outside is a Ravel Media production.
Hosted by Laura Borichevsky.
Cover artwork by Hailey Hirst.
Music by Calica licensed via MusicBed.

TRANSCRIPT

Note: This transcript was lightly edited and created using a transcription service. As such it may contain spelling errors.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

You’re listening to a Sex Outside Nature Quickie-- a short 5-minute dive into a specific, practical topic about our bodies and the outdoors. I’m Laura Borichevsky.

Natasha Buffo:

Nonverbal communication can only take you so far. I mean, you can make noises and that can really remind somebody that what they're doing feels really good, but if you want their finger to be two centimeters to the left, which... that's a very real thing. [laughter]

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

Natasha Buffo is a writer, traveler, outdoor enthusiast, and has been studying sex since getting a degree in human sexuality in undergrad. And while sex hasn’t been the primary focus of her professional work until lately, she’s spent her years gaining insight and knowledge from all over, only to come back to this very topic she’s so passionate about-- particularly when it comes to communication, and why honest, open conversations are important in making more fulfilling sexual experiences.

Natasha Buffo:

You can kind of show that with your body when it comes to really small adjustments like that. But then there's other things like, for example, if it's something that you've tried out before that you didn't really like, or something that you really want to try out that just hasn't happened yet, there's certain intricacies that you just can't get across non-verbally.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

So like Natasha said, there’s little way around it-- talking about your desires, out loud, is an important part of getting the kind of sexual experiences you want to have. This doesn’t just apply to people with ongoing sex partners, either.

Natasha Buffo:

I think a lot of people view, “Oh, if we're talking about sexuality, we're talking about partners. And so if I don't have a partner, then I don't have an active sex life” and that's just not true on so many levels. You can be in a wonderful sexual relationship with a partner and also have a wonderful sexual relationship on your own. And I think that's really healthy and it's, you know, partly for just having a relationship with your own body that's really positive. And it's partly for exploring and finding out what you like and what you don't like on your own so that you can share it with your partner and that might make those communications and those experiences more comfortable. If you've already explored a little bit on your own, rather than just everything that you're discovering about yourself with another person, I think that can be really intimidating and more challenging because if you don't know what you like, it's going to be harder maybe to figure it out with another person. But if you do have a better idea of what you like, then you can communicate that a little bit.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

Natasha refers to a lot of this energy spent toward discovering your own sexual desires and preferences as exploration.

Natasha Buffo:

That exploration is really important to figure out what feels good and what doesn't. And, and I really like to hone in on that as well as figuring out what you like is important, but also knowing what you don't like and communicating that is really important too, because that excitement turns into anxiety and fear, and that's not great. So if you're able to communicate that in advance, then you know where those lines are, really just thinking about that exploration and knowing your, “I definitely love this. I definitely don't like this.” And then there's that in-between of, “I'm curious about this”.

Laura Borichevsky:

Yeah, absolutely. Time and time again I've seen since Sex Outside has started just how much more clarity, honestly, I think we as a collective and I know I personally can get from using the outdoors as a metaphor. So for example, if you have a mental or physical list of outdoor activities that you like and ones that maybe you don't like, and you've tried them and you know, you don't like them… or you just know that it scares you and you really don't want to do it. And maybe someday you will. But like right now you don't and that's very valid. Right? And then there's maybe, yeah, things that you're interested in getting into, but you haven't explored yet. And when the timing's right, or the opportunity presents itself, you will. If you haven't done that yet for yourself, maybe start there and be like, “let's think about activities outside that I want to do.”

Because honestly, for a lot of people, we have very many times been socialized to not talk about needs, wants, and desires and to express those. So even things like outdoor activities, there are so many other folks that I know who just have a hard time expressing to friends or counterparts what they do or do not want to do just when it comes to going outside. And they end up having a bad experience outside because they didn't talk about it or they didn't assert themselves. Or they have someone in their life who won't listen to them, which is a whole different problem. But I think that starting there is great. And if you even just want to practice that with a partner, you know, if you have a partner in your life and you're like, “Hey, let's just talk about activities that we like outside and things we're curious about or things we don't like and why” that's great. And maybe a good entry point. So that the next time you're like, “Okay, I want to sit down and think about this through a lens of sex and sexual activities and behaviors and things I'm interested in and my desires” as you get to know your body more, then that's great. And you can use that same type of a conversation for yourself and anyone else that you're with. And maybe it'll go a little bit smoother.

Natasha Buffo:

Absolutely.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

So-- in short-- you don’t need to wait to have a sex partner to start exploring your own sexual needs. Because learning about yourself-- it takes practice. And learning to talk openly about your desires-- for the majority of us, it takes even more practice. Which is why Natasha highly recommends finding someone you trust to talk about sex with, whether you’re currently engaging with others sexually or going solo.

Natasha Buffo:

Whether you're in a relationship right now or not, and whatever that relationship looks like, you can talk about sexuality to anybody. It doesn't need to be somebody you're sexually interested in that you're sexually active with. It could be your best friend and finding somebody who you feel comfortable with that you know, is comfortable talking about human sexuality. That can be a kind of a starter of having that experience of having positive conversations that don't end in judgment or shame. And once you feel that you've had a positive conversation with one person, maybe you'll feel more comfortable talking to the next person.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

Thanks so much to Natasha Buffo for joining us for this Sex Outside Nature Quickie. For more information to continue your research, tap the links in our profile. You can find more from Natasha on their Instagram @dirtandtears, and follow along with us @sexoutsidepod for more action between episodes. And stay tuned-- you'll hear more from Natasha in an upcoming full episode of Sex Outside premiering in February of 2021. Music is by Calica. Sex Outside is a Ravel Media production. I’m Laura Borichevsky. Thanks for joining us. Until next time!

QuickieLaura BorichevskyOrgasms, Menstruation1 Comment