Nature Quickie: Exploring Through Children’s Sexuality Books

with book reviewer, mother, and outdoors-lover Alessandra Hurt

Brought to you by Après Delight

Sex Outside Nature Quickies are short dives into a specific, practical topic about our bodies and the outdoors. This one features Alessandra Hurt-- a mother, wife, book reviewer, and outdoor-lover-- who shares her top 3 children’s sexuality books and offers some perspective on how important it is to be intentional when it comes to navigating these kinds of learning and self-discovery moments with children-- as well as ourselves.

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Hosted by Laura Borichevsky.
Cover artwork by Hailey Hirst.
Music by Calica licensed via MusicBed.

TRANSCRIPT

Note: This transcript was lightly edited and created using a transcription service. As such it may contain spelling errors.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

You’re listening to a Sex Outside Nature Quickie-- a short dive into a specific, practical topic about our bodies and the outdoors. I’m Laura Borichevsky.

Alessandra Hurt:

The beautiful thing about humans is our ability to adapt and our ability to dig deeper into ourselves. You know, you'll never, ever, ever stop discovering who you are.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

There are few phrases like “the talk” that make adults sweat. And I’m not a parent myself-- but I often wonder if that’s because these conversations are so fraught for ourselves, even into adulthood, that they in turn aren’t happening early on in the life of a child? 

The reality is that regardless of family structure, parenting, or caring for the development of a child in some way, will inherently include deciding how to navigate conversations around sexuality. Now, not all of us listening are parents. But we were all children at one point in time. So no matter your relationship to children, it’s worth taking a moment to reflect on how your experience learning about sex and sexuality came to be, what you carry today as an adult from those interactions, and if these things feel good to pass on to the next generation.

I think we’ve made it clear on this show plenty, but just to reiterate-- nothing about sex *has* to be comfortable to talk about, especially initially. And especially with kids. But fortunately, for all the times we feel lost in these conversations-- books are one way to approach them.

Alessandra Hurt-- a mother, wife, nursing student, book reviewer, and outdoor-lover-- joins us in this Nature Quickie to talk about how important it is to be intentional with how we navigate sexuality conversations with children-- through books and otherwise… and sometimes, that starts with how we navigate our own sexuality.

Alessandra Hurt:

I'm bisexual. I identify as bisexual and I ended up with my partner about-- it's almost been 10 years that we've been together-- and he's a man. You know, a cis, white man. And we look like a very heterosexual couple. And so for the longest time, I just didn't think it was important to like be out and identify myself as bisexual anymore. For one, everybody, they just asked so many questions like, “Well, how does that work?” And I am still bisexual, like who I'm physically attracted to doesn't change just because I am married to a man. And now more than ever, when I got pregnant, I was like, wow, this is actually really, really important. This is an important thing to be open about with my family and with my children so that they know, like, this is just one of the ways that relationships and sexuality and attraction work, you know, like mom likes men and women, dad likes women, and they're both happily married and that's just what this looks like for their relationship.

And, um, it was really scary at first, I'll be honest! Just because there was a part of me that didn't feel like I belonged to the LGBTQ community anymore, but on the inside and in my marriage it's like, “Oh wow, I'm queer as fuck. I'm really queer.” And just the way that my husband and I have chosen to raise our son, we want that door to be open to him so that we can provide the structure and safety and the safe space for him to be completely and fully who he is no matter what that looks like from now. And as he's growing, it looks different in every different part of our lives. And so just as far as parenting goes, I feel like for families to have this open ability, to be able to talk about our kids in a way that's safe for them to grow and experience their lives. And I just feel like it's such a beautiful thing to be able to provide that foundation for them in a place that feels safe so that they can explore and learn about themselves.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

That evolution is something that Alessandra recognizes we face too, as adults. In fact, research is so varied on the ways that, even into adulthood, humans continue to evolve within their own sexuality, understanding of gender, sexual behaviors, and so on-- that it’s often regarded as simply an ongoing, holistic process that’s unique to each individual. In short-- creating safe spaces to be open to who we’re continually becoming isn’t just for kids-- but it’s important, as Alessandra says, to find ways we can create safe spaces for them to grow and explore-- everything from learning about body parts and processes in an anatomically-accurate way, to finding a voice around consent, to finding out more of what gender means to them at every possible stage of life.

Alessandra Hurt:

So much has opened up to me in this world since having Atlas. And like, it has shifted from like my own insecurities for my own life to wanting to nurture future generations. Like you can never be a perfect parent, but I just want him to feel like I can come home to the safe place with my family and I can come home to kind of plug in and get my energy from my mom and my dad, and then go out into the world and be a stronger person. And that's, I guess my whole goal is just moving forward in that. And like just letting Atlas be who he is. As much as he loves going on hikes with me and getting dirty on his bicycle and doing a little balance bike in the backyard, he also loves to play dress up and loves to play with horses. And so if I can make him feel comfortable at home, that's like my biggest goal as a parent is following his lead me and letting him be my teacher. So as that changes, I will change my vernacular with him. And however he directs me that he wants to be known to the world, and I want to help him, you know, be his safe harbor to the world, to where he can come home, and he can nurture that in himself, here at home with us.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

Among so many things, Alessandra is a book reviewer, sharing her recommendations and thoughts about various books on her online account @naturemamareads. Alessandra focuses mainly on authors who are Black, Indigenous, people of color, as well as the queer community. And, because she loves the outdoors, many of her book recommendations have an element of nature in them, too. Until recently, it’s been tough to find books authored by or featuring characters with a diversity of identities and lived experiences-- but Alessandra says that’s slowly starting to change for the better, and she has a few favorite children’s reads that bring sexuality and gender together with the outdoors that she recommends folks consider adding to their bookshelves.

Alessandra Hurt:

There's so many amazing books that are coming out. Every year that I've seen in just the last couple of years, publishing has really increased the awareness to the community and to being gender inclusive-- all gender inclusive. So I picked out three books to share with you. And they're our favorite books on gender and sex for kids that are probably from birth until probably about six or seven. So the first one is called, “It Feels Good to be Yourself: A Book About Gender Identity” by Theresa Thorne. One thing I love about this book is like adults complicate it so much. And in this book it just goes through and it's like, “This is Ruthie. Ruthie is a transgender girl. This is what that means.” And it's so straight forward and it's like, “Oh yeah, okay. Ruthie's a girl.”

And then the second book is called “From the Stars in the Sky to the Fish in the Sea” written by Kai Cheng Thom. It's just a beautiful book about this little kid that doesn't know what they are. And sometimes they sprout horns and sometimes they sprout wings and sometimes they're a fish and it's just really cute. It's about them going to school and telling the other kids, “I don't know what I am. I'm just me.” So that's super cute. That one's my favorite. I love reading that. And that's one of Atlas's favorites too.

And then the last one is called, “Julian is a Mermaid” by Jessica Love. And it's a picture book, absolutely beautiful about a boy named Julian and his abuela. And they see mermaids on the train and his abuela is super loving and harbors that love to let him express himself in a way that's conducive to who he is. And so that book's really awesome too. So yeah, books are a huge part of our lives.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

Okay, so as we wrap up this Nature Quickie, I’m going to point out something obvious-- it’s totally possible that, even with a book to guide you and your awareness of its importance, the thought of talking to your children about sexuality might seem intimidating or scary. You might hold past trauma or discomfort around these conversations or have been taught that families don’t talk about these topics. And-- you might feel underprepared because you yourself are still in the process of learning. But Alessandra has some words to help you, and really-- it’s simple but powerful advice. Because at the end of the day, we’re all forever learning and growing when it comes to sexuality.

Alessandra Hurt:

I was trying to find a way to make it... I don't, I don't even know! Just make it a conversation that he could understand. And as I started reading these books, I was like, “Oh my God, I'm complicating it so much. It's so simple.” You know, just simplify it, get down to the basics and learn with your children.

Laura Borichevsky - Narration:

Thanks for tuning in to this Sex Outside Nature Quickie, and for Alessandra Hurt for joining us for this episode. To see more from Alessandra, you can find her on Instagram @naturemamareads. As usual, we packed the show notes of this Nature Quickie with resources as well as links to the books Alessandra mentioned, so make sure to check those out. Also-- don’t forget to take our first-ever community survey to help shape the growth of Sex Outside, and follow along with us @sexoutsidepod for more action between episodes. Music is by Calica. I’m Laura Borichevsky. Thanks so much for joining us. Until next time!

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